thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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