Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
