Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
