and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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