The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
