you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
