Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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