Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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