well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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