Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
