Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
