I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
