We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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