508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
