why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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