i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
