I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize