You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
