WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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