I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
