Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
