some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
