marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
birth control should be required to get into college
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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