I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
