meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
