remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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