we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
