I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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