is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
