Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
