She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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