Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize