How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
