im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
