just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
