So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
