Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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