Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
