I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
