I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
