Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
