bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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