He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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