Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
