So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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