her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
