Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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