i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
