The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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