I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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