I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
