The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
