Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
