btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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