dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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