Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
