I accidentally burped into my bong.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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