I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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