cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......