Sponge bath it is.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills