i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse