Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?