coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.