we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good