I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.