i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
