Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
