No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
