and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
