Duck Duck Cougar?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
