About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
