somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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