i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
