This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
BRING THE BAGELS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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