you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize