im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
