THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
