Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
