if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
